In the last several years, the term "boundaries" seems to be used regularly in the discussion of relationships. It also seems to have taken on a new definition, or at least one different from my own understanding. Perhaps it's the country girl in me, but when I hear the term "boundaries," I envision a fence. That means the parties on both sides of the fence have the same boundary . . . From what I have gathered and gleaned, that definition is not shared by most of the folks I've heard using the term.
My understanding of boundaries is to "live and let live" until you get close to the fence. Don't move the fence . . . That translates into our every day living by basically treating others the way I'd like to be treated. The golden rule is still tried and true in my understanding, but that's becoming much less the norm in our society.
So far, I've thankfully not laughed in anyone's face as they have proclaimed their "boundaries" in various situations, but I do take note, realizing I also have boundaries; therefore, maintain minimal emotional investment in a number of relationships. For example, in my last marriage, it was suggested very early on, that my husband attend his family gatherings, solo. Having attended the first one or two before hearing this revelation, I'm not sure how I was supposed to take the news, but I did refrain from actually jumping for joy. I never had to attend another family gathering! They didn't have to smile and endure and I didn't either. It was WIN/WIN for all involved.
In recent history, there was an event planned in my family, in which I was to be left out, also . . . Wow, it sounds like I'm not in big demand for any gatherings . . . as I shrug my shoulders and grin, while typing this. At any rate, the visit came and went without my inclusion, but I did get to follow along on Facebook. To my initial surprise, the photos looked absolutely complete without me. As the reality settled, I truly realized we were all better off with the boundaries those in attendance had set and the arrangements as they were. I had no business involved in those plans and was truly grateful, once again, that none of us had to smile and endure. Meanwhile, the tagline for my Facebook profile was proven, yet again. "Facebook is the ultimate in distant closeness." Since that time, all those present have made more than one reference to their gathering, while talking to me. I really am outside of their boundaries and that is not a bad feeling.
I'm horrible at setting boundaries. I mean, I have my ethics and I base my integrity on Torah, although I sometimes fail; but I have a tendency emotionally, to go past the second mile, past the third mile, and give no warning when we'll slam into my my boundary fence a.k.a., DONE. Perhaps this is an area of my life that needs more improvement, but thus far, I'm pretty content with honoring other's boundaries and just going on about my life . . . I truly have no desire to intrude where I'm not wanted or welcome. I've also learned, I can smile and quietly endure most things for a few hours, even a couple of days . . .
As you can probably guess by now, my social calendar is not exactly filled, so I have plenty of time to contemplate. "Boundaries" was first introduced for us to set them for ourselves to maintain healthy balance in our own lives and relationships. Now, it seems those talking about boundaries are usually setting them for others . . .
I'm thinking "boundaries" is just one more word that has been redefined and is the politically correct word for "rules from the control freaks." As in most other cases of political correctness, the social redefinition moves farther away from Scriptural truth. Now, when I hear the word boundaries, not only do I envision a fence, but on that fence post, I see and appreciate, a "No Trespassing" sign. Not a problem, I don't intend to get close enough to even need to know where the boundary marker is!
Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even
so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12
